The power of words

Have you noticed it? The right or wrong word that can change the rest of your day. You're doing it to others too, you know. You probably don't realize how often something you share about yourself is inspiring someone, changing them that slight little bit. Changing their mood, possibly even making them make a different decision in a moment. What if we did that consciously? What if we looked at every interaction as an opportunity? Depends on what the situation is. If it's your boss, maybe it's an opportunity to connect as a friend...or as an equal for once. Depends. If it's a stranger, then maybe it's an opportunity to surprise them and speak. Offer as a gift the power of your smile or of your brilliant wit (in some cases the smile is a safe bet). I had this moment on the train yesterday where yet another person just stood and stared. This is very common, and the common response is of course a defensive, blank stare back. Whatcha want lady. What if you smile instead? You can tell the surprise, the slightly embarrassed smile back and they look away. You know, people are constantly giving Americans a hard time for being inauthentic. Having that plastic smile on our faces. I agree, we do tend to overdo the cheer, and people can tell when it's not genuine. But why not keep the cheer, but put a little authenticity behind it. Think of it as a gift. They'll know! 

Life, art, English class

The journey continues with a new year in Spain. What a privileged position to have, to be able to choose where you live. And being an expat is a nice place to be because you get to be a visitor when you want and a resident when you want. I wonder how the Spanish students feel about us, their teachers, that moved from their respective countries to come teach them English. They probably think about us much less than we think about them, that's for sure! Do they know how much they interest us and how often they're the topic of our conversation? Do our classes affect their lives in more ways than how to use prepositions? That is my mission this year - to impact my students in a deeper way than just practicing language. Is that a selfish pursuit? Yes, it is. It makes you feel important, doesn't it? Like you have more of a purpose. And it's practice for the future, when your job description actually is more than just teaching prepositions.

Life is actually an art, and each person has their own style. Some use pointillism, seeming random to an outside observer, but driven by their own vision and values. Some use broad strokes, focusing on several things at once for a while, then moving on to a different color and direction. Some have firm boundaries, like cubes, around parts of their lives, separating work from play from family. And so on, resulting in a life that is beautiful to some, weird to others, but special to the artist, and always unique. Sometimes styles are copied, and often museums are visited - by traveling, and seeing the style of a completely different place. Like Spain. And that's why all of us expats are here. To try on a different style of living, and then go back or not. But having been changed nonetheless. And how beautiful if in the meantime we can share a bit of our own style and snapshots of paintings from our place with the people here.

This year I'm developing my own style, always integrating what I see and experience. It's been nice to be freed up of anxiety by not having to teach kids. I'll come back to kids someday, but for now I'm loving just having the adults. It gives my mind freedom to create what I want my schedule to be like, how I want to spend my free time, how much time to spend in nature, on exercise. Where to travel to, where to focus my creative energy. And to go beyond classroom management in my work here to deepening into the content of the classes. It's a constant effort to push myself to go beyond my boundaries, to seek out new experiences, and not get caught up in following someone else's lead. That's the job of the artist. Not to just follow what the other pointillists or impressionists are doing these days, but to seek out his/her own way.

When inspired to lead life this way, it's so exciting that I want to share it with others. But is it fair to the students, who only signed up for an English class? It's too easy when you have 6 pairs of ears waiting to hear you speak. This may be how dictators are made...

Here are some pictures of things that have inspired me recently.

 Volunteer weekend at an eco-village called Valdepielagos.

Sunset in the countryside.

Fall in Retiro park. I just recently found out "retiro" means "retreat".

Burning man! That deserves it's own blog post someday.

May all beings be released from suffering, may all beings live in beauty, truth, love, peace, trust and harmony. So be it.

Inside the temple at Burning Man

 Yes, those are nude people climbing a howling wolf structure.

The Dr., Bjort, and I made that flower art piece. It made people happy :)

Venice

Not Venice, Italy - Venice Beach, CA. It's where I've been living for the last three weeks. They have felt like months though because so much is happening. In fact this whole trip back to the US has been like that. Visiting my parents in PA, then California...a festival, a road trip, then moving into this beach house. My head is spinning. And I am about to embark on the biggest adventure/experience of all - Burning Man.
I've never been, but "burners" say it's like coming home. I'm feeling the same from what I know about it because I'm coming to a place where you interact with others like with family that accepts you for who you are without question, with all your weirdness. Where you play without inhibitions like when you were a child.
Why isn't real life like this? Well the part that's interesting to me now is how cultures form and how we're influenced by them. Everyone knows we're social animals, we want to enjoy life with others. We find these others by finding communities, but usually these communities have "in" members and the outsiders, and certain rules - the practices and appearance that tells everyone you're part of it. We spend most of our time trying to either get "in" or to stay "in" by dressing like "them," acting like them, talking about what they're talking about, etc. If you think about it this applies on a large or small scale, as big as a national culture and as small as a clique of friends. But certain communities like Burning Man have a lot fewer of these "rules," so the community is there for you, no matter who you are. I actually noticed myself automatically figuring out how to dress so that I fit in there until I realized the whole point is to not do that! I think it's our nature to find out how to fit in...how to stay safe.
Anyway Venice feels like a nice step in this direction with all the lovely weirdness going on here. JD was documenting this scene nicely the first few days we were here: http://venicebeachfront.tumblr.com/.
I can't believe the summer is almost over, but I'll feel ready to get back to teaching after these couple of months. I think I needed a familiar place and, of course, the ocean, to think. I'm excited about the next step - digging deeper into the Spanish culture and traveling more and observing, learning. Meanwhile, some pictures below of previous adventures that I haven't been posting. I'll be better about it!

March trip to Dublin for this lovely lady's birthday!

Mom's visit and a wonderful Semana Santa in the south of Spain.

JD visiting so that we can be beach bums in Nerja.

Yes, there was lots of work before this restful time in Sunshine House, Evia, Greece.

A visit to the mothership - Athens, Greece.

Upon landing in CA an immediate music festival complete with bug cars!

Road trip through Big Sur ♥ ♥ ♥

And now I'm in

Venice Beach, CA

Birthday post

I haven't written for a while mostly because life had been continuing along pretty much the same, or dare I say I had gotten into a routine. This in itself is not such a bad thing - one cannot constantly have change in their life, but my nature is to keep moving forward somehow, so I'm happy to finally have something to put down "on paper." And what better time than my birthday weekend! - a time when I look back one year before and marvel and all the things that have happened and ways I've changed.
I'm currently sitting at my favorite cafe in Retiro park, a bit expensive, but worth it for it's view on the lake with the huge statue and row boats. I'm inside because it's still pretty cold and windy, but at least also bright and sunny. I have to say I'm more than ready for spring. I'm told it's coming in one month and is supposed to be beautiful here. I have a feeling I'll be spending a lot of time on the terrazas coming up soon!
Retiro was a short 5min walk from my Spanish class, where I'm finally feeling like I'm making progress. My intercambio with María is definitely helping, especially now that we're meeting up twice a week. So are my students since I have to translate quite a bit.
Last weekend Julia, Erica, and I took a short overnight trip to Valencia, prompted by my longing for a beach. What an excellent trip that was (pictures below), not only for the beach, the beautiful city, yummy paella, and fun nightlife, but also for the perspective it brought. It made me remember that I'm here to travel and explore Spain, and the difficult students don't actually matter so much. I think it's good that I'm putting in a lot of energy into teaching, and it's teaching me a lot in return, but the excursion helped me to remember not to take it too seriously. So I'm looking forward to the trip to Dublin for St. Patties with the girls, mine and my mom's trip to Cadiz that I'm planning for the following week, and whatever adventure JD and I decide on in April! The spring will be a fun time.
Meanwhile I will continue enjoying life in Spain, improve my Spanish, and be really really easy on myself.

Where I was when I was writing...doesn't it just make you relaxed and want to say ahhh...

Valencia center...do ya feel the beach do ya do ya??

Ze beach! Look at those bare feet! Don't be fooled, the water was freezing.

Erica on the balcony of our hostel across the street from the old market that was a big stop on the Silk Road. There were creepy (but awesome) gargoyles.

Journeys...

I'm really enjoying my break from the real world. Which is what it's starting to feel like, in a good way. In a necessary way.
It's not really a sustainable existence with the amount of teaching hours I have now. I mean, I have enough to live on, but I'm not saving anything. I don't really want to take on more because I already spend most of my time during the week working, and I'm thinking about what I want to do with some of the free time I have then. It's been nice because I've felt a renewed sense of focus and inspiration after the holidays, and the new energy I've been putting into my classes is paying off. I feel prepared and excited about my lessons when I walk into the class, and it shows from the response of the students. Still trying to figure out how to deal with the 12 yr olds' behavior, but that's another issue. Anyway, money-wise, it's not sustainable, and enough hours to actually save would mean that I'm living life only on the weekends, which I don't want to do. Which is why I feel like I'm hiding out. On vacation, if you will.
But what a fulfilling and enriching vacation. Taking yourself out of your comfort zone, all those cliches, they're all true. When you throw yourself into the lion's den, aka, new country, new language, new job, you open yourself up to be vulnerable and have to then deal with all those insecurities you pretend don't exist. For example in my classes, I've had to separate who I am as a person from my lesson plan (maybe sometimes one that doesn't work) or from my students that might be tired, having teenage angst, or just plain don't like English. It's been good for my perfectionism as I've realized that I can't be so hard on myself because I'm still learning how to teach just like I'm still learning Spanish.
But the people I've met have all been worth it. Having all English teacher friends is not good for learning Spanish, but it is good for meeting people also in flux in their life, also looking for their path, also throwing themselves into the same lion's den and being vulnerable with each other, because that's the only way to cope with the challenges. You have to, you have to learn to ask for help, even if you're not used to it, you have to admit when something's hard because you know other people feel it too, and you have to share the ideas and the triumphs because you know they'll understand. The common purpose of finding that something else, that experience that will make us grow brings us so close together so much faster than if we were in our comfort zone, floating along, with our defenses up.
And now I know better the conditions that challenge me in this positive constructive way to keep growing throughout my life. I don't think moving countries every few years is always necessary, but I trust that I'll know what to do when I feel life needs a little shaking up - when it needs it ;)

Some of these people at beautiful Casa de Campo - the huge park here - on a beautiful day

My beloved Plaza de España back in the city and the royal palace to the right

When JD and I took the cable car over the same park a few weeks ago

...on a foggy day

December

Alright, so I haven't posted in a while, but it's a new year and a time to restart the blog.
The new year was celebrated in Madrid. Funny how a place becomes your home and you stop thinking of it as some exotic destination. Not that any city in Europe is particularly exotic, but I definitely don't feel like a tourist anymore. I was just telling JD yesterday when we walked past Plaza España how foreign this whole city seemed to me when I arrived that first day, and the first time I came across that square and immediately decided that I need to live close to it. Now I've developed a pretty good map of the city in my head, or at least the center part, and it feels like home. So the question is, what's the point of changing your home to another city if it becomes just as familiar as where you came from in a short four months? The way I see it is I am getting to know myself quite well seeing what sticks and what gets left behind within. A couple of people have asked me what exactly it is that I was running away from, to which I scoffed of course, but maybe there's something to that question. Maybe you move to run away from yourself only to find her waiting on the other side (with a smirk). I love discovering these things though, it's actually exactly what I want.
But anyways, December. It has been spent mostly with JD, in Madrid and in Paris! We spent 5 days in Paris over Christmas (select pictures below). I can't believe I finally got to go to that amazing city, and amazing it is. The whole thing is like out of a movie. I'm starting to have thoughts of moving there, which is making me realize that I'm trying to find a place in the world to fit in. How much of that depends on location and how much of that on yourself? I have a feeling I know... :)

Starry Night anyone? In Montmartre.

Windy day at Notre Dame cathedral.

An award-worthy photo taken by JD.

Another - in a metro station.

Daily espresso!